Life is interesting. God can be funny sometimes. Its always the things that you don't want to do, for whatever reason, that you need to do. Most times its not even about you - like 99.9% of the time its not about you. Yet we try and have our own selfish reasons for not doing things. I've realized just how selfish I am in God's eyes. I have gifts and knowledge that he has given to me, yet I sit on them - I don't let people know they exist. Why?- my fear or men in their faces. My personal issues I have with myself. Within all of that I may be blocking someone else's breakthrough because I'm so caught up on me and how I feel -- SELFISH! How can I be called to intercession and standing in the gap yet be so caught up in myself? Funny how the enemy gets you that way. But I must say, I'm proud of myself. I can appreciate the growth that is happening in me, even though my flesh is still resisting. These past 2 weeks have shown me a whole lot. I had an issue with a sister of mine which was quite similar to one I had with my old roommates. The seed of division and discord had been planted and I felt it beginning to grow. This time, however, I recognized it for what it was and I confronted the situation before it grew into something it didn't need to be. The previous issue was the preparation and this was the test. Immediately after that passed I had to do something I normally would not be caught doing - speaking in front of the church as the MC of the afternoon service!
That Friday I went to Friday Night Live in Carson at City of Truth Ministries to support my brother as he ministered through dance. I wasn't expecting to do anything but enjoy the service - God had another plan. When I walked in I was asked to do a poem, I did 2. I figured that would be enough and returned to my seat. God said different and I was asked to return to the mic once again. I was a little upset because I knew what that meant - the poems I didn't want to read were the very ones I had to read. Most of my poetry is a personal reflection of me. Those poems I didn't want anyone to read. God had me read it to those people. Apparently they were feeling the same why as me and what I had to say was exactly what they needed. ----BURN (this goes back to the things we go through not even being about us)
The following Sunday the Lord wanted to push me yet again so much to my suprise when I get out of my car - I'm asked to help lead morning devotion. CRAZY!! Now singing is something that I love to do - when I'm ALONE or if I'm singing with a larger group where my voice can blend in and be drowned out by others. As if the singing wasn't enough, later that night I go to a session with the Fam and you can only imagine what happens next. Yes- I got off. I couldn't really believe it was happening. I AM NOT A KRUMPER!!! Well, I guess I can't really say that anymore - but, I really tried to sit in the corner and avoid dancing - I didn't even lab up! That just goes to show me what God is doing with me. I can see that transformation taking place this year that I knew was soon to come. Its an interesting process, but I am supposed to be a new creature in Christ right? My old lifestyle and old characteristic and ways are supposed to pass away - therefore I embrace the change. Have your way Lord.